Hagrid moonlights – short screenplay

April 11, 2020   🕑 3 minutes read

If you really like Harry Potter, you might think twice about reading this ‘original’ screenplay from my archives.

I can’t really tell you how it started. One of my daughters has always been a huge Harry Potter fan. One day, she stumbled upon Potter Puppet Pals, a series of puppet shows on Youtube. At the end of this post are a couple examples, in case you are interested.

I would always tell a story to my kids at night when they were younger; even when I was too tired, they wouldn’t let me off for a night. I always made the stories up on the spot.

At some point, they asked me to tell a Potter Puppet Pals story. It is often a mistake to do something just because your kids ask. Before long, the nightly Potter Puppet Pal stories evolved a bit in my telling. For instance:

  • Both Harry and Ron ended up with squeaky voices.
  • Hagrid would often fall out of the sky at random times, randomly crushing various characters (but mostly Harry).
  • Snape got no respect and Lord Voldemort was a silly character (building on the great Mustache Buddies tradition from the “real” Potter Puppet Pals – see second video below).

Since we write screenplays for so many clients, I thought I would share with you one of these stories – shorter than most, but nevertheless one of the better ones. I am not normally a screenplay writer (we have very good “real” screenplay writers on our team), but here is how it goes:

Hagrid sells Kleenex door-to-door – short screenplay

(Harry and Ron greet each other)

HARRY: What are you up to Ron?

RON: Not much, Harry? How about you?

HARRY: Nothing. Hey, here comes Hagrid. And this time he’s on foot!

RON: Wow! He’s not even falling out of the sky.

(Enter Hagrid)

HAGRID: Y’aright, Harry? Ron?

HARRY: Hey Hagrid, what are you doing walking into the scene? Is that even in the script?

HAGRID: Got myself a new job, I did.

HARRY: What, you got fired?

HAGRID: No, nothin’ like that. Just makin’ some extra cash on the side as a door-to-door Kleenex salesman.


HAGRID: A door-to-door Kleenex salesman.

RON: But where’s the money in trucking around huge boxes of Kleenex that sells for…what, a dollar?

HAGRID: Just one box. This one is enough.

RON: What?

How much would Harry Potter pay to blow his nose?

HAGRID: Need a Kleenex? Twelve dollars for one.

HARRY: Twelve dollars for a box?

HAGRID: Twelve dollars for a tissue.

HARRY: But Hagrid, who’s going to pay twelve dollars for a tissue?

HAGRID: Well, I…uh…I can’t be givin’ away trade secrets, now, can I? But I have…uh…found a market.

(Enter Snape, Hagrid recedes to a corner)

SNAPE: I see we have here that obnoxious Potter kid and his Weasley sidekick.

HARRY: We love you, too, Snapy Baby.

SNAPE: Harrumph.

HARRY: So much so that I kissed you in your sleep. And may I say that those lipstick marks on your cheek are very becoming.

SNAPE: That’s it. I’ve had enough of your driveling insolence. Fortunately, I have just concocted a wonderful potion of my own design that will teach you a lesson.

(Snape sprinkles some potion on Harry and Ron.)

SNAPE: Gesundheit. Heh, heh.

(Snape exits.)

HARRY: Ah…ah…ah-choo!

RON: Nose itches…

HARRY: Mine is getting all puffy…

RON: Need Kleenex…

(Hagird steps forward)

HAGRID: Kleenex? One for twelve dollars.


I hope you like it as much as my daughters (and their cats) did.

Postscript. I rarely followed up one day’s story with a sequel, but the next day the “Kleenex salesman” returned selling anti-dragon-bite pills. Don’t ask.

Sample Potter Puppet Pal episodes

This one was probably our all-time favorite, just because it was so catchy.

Or maybe it was the Mustache Buddies episode we liked most.

About David Leonhardt

David Leonhardt is President of The Happy Guy Marketing, a published author, a "Distinguished Toastmaster", a former consumer advocate, a social media addict and experienced with media relations and government reports.

Read more about David Leonhardt

Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest

  1. Philip Verghese Ariel says:
    at 7:23 am

    Hey Dev,
    What a pleasant surprise! With a totally different content for the season.
    Very interesting indeed. Thanks for share a bit of your personal story.
    Keep sharing.
    Have a great and healthy life ahead.
    Stay at Home Be Safe.
    ~ Phil

Would you like to share your thoughts?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *